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The 2015 Patsy Ratings - Georgetown's Class of 2019

When Georgetown's envelope appeared at the Committee's relatively empty offices, the businesswoman who looked suspiciously like Nicki Minaj was shocked.

That's because the envelope looked like someone had stuffed a copy of War and Peace inside of it.

"There's no question that this is unusual," Art told her.  "I remember the days when the Battleship Grey's entire recruiting class was released late on a Friday afternoon in May, with all the corroborating information on the class contained on a 3x5 index card.  This is.... different."

The businesswoman nodded.  "I honestly wasn't counting on needing to do this much work with Georgetown's class," she said.  "Looks like we're going to have to put on another cup of nasty coffee.  And don't cross me."

"Huh?" Art said.

"You know," the businesswoman said.  "I was thinking that I was just going to put Georgetown last in the rankings before I even did them.  I'm thinking now that they're going to be one of the best classes in this year's Patsy Ratings."

"I agree," Art said.  "Do we have to do the breakfast defector thing again, or can we charge a new round of pulled pork sandwiches to the Committee's account again?"


THE GOOD
Simply Way Too Much Info on Hoyas
Art's first look at the spreadsheet saw him utter a well deserved "not bad... not bad at all."

"The rumor is that Georgetown isn't offering conventional scholarships," Art said.  "But if you took a look at this spreadsheet... you'd never believe it.  There are... ratings stars.  Quite a few of them.  And unlike Lehigh's and Lafayette's classes, they're across many different categories and players.  And not just that - many, many of them also merited pages all their own.  I'm not counting, but I'm seeing... more than half of them were recognized by the recruiting sites."

"That's a huge hats off to Rob Sgarlata, then," the businesswoman said.  "This looks like the type of spreadsheet I'd have expected from a Patriot League school with football scholarships.  Assuming there isn't a flyer in this heavy document pack explaining that their financial aid policy has changed, that's a great job by head coach."

THE BAD
Art had to look closely at the spreadsheet to find a weakness in this class.  Having said that, he did indeed find one.  "Of the seven linemen in the class, there were four that tipped the Jumbo-O-Meter for Patsy points, which isn't exactly a great number for that many linemen.  Furthermore, none of the Baby Hoya Saxa tipped the scales at over 300 lbs."

"One of them was listed at 298 lbs - close enough?" the businesswoman said.

"That has to be a typo," Art said.

PATSY POINT CALCULATION
 
May or May Not be a Committee Member Around Hoya HQ
QUALITY = 44.  Art did the formal calculations.  An astounding 16 out of 23 recruits, or just under a 70%, of the recruits had at least one page on the recruiting websites.  "That easily is the highest ratio of all the classes I've seen thus far," Art muttered to himself.

Even more impressive, though, were the number of starred recruits.  Two *** recruits - including one in a big need area for the D.C. Cabs.  "This is phenomenal," long-faced Art said, in a low voice so that nobody could hear him.  "Phenomenal."

CLASS SIZE = 4.  The overall size of the class was 23 recruits.  Not a lot of points here, Art noted, but enough to ensure "replacement", though.

DISTRIBUTION = 8.  One point less than the maximum allowed here.  Had they had a punter/kicker, the Hoyas would have had the maximum.

SPEED = 9.  "Did they really have to send signed certificates detailing the difference between machine times and hand-clocked times?" the businesswoman said.  "The published numbers from the regular sources are impressive enough - we didn't need the actual proof of the validity of the numbers.  They got plenty of speed points in any case."

"At least we won't need any kindling for the fireplace," Art said.

TRIGGER = 3.  "One QB, one ** recruit, Three Patsy Points," Art said.  "I really should memorize that."

JUMBO = 4.   "As mentioned, this was a bit of a disappointing number for this class," Art said.  "But it's a minor criticism."

Three Guys Elated At This Incoming Class
NEEDS = 9 (of 12):  As expected, the conference call about Georgetown's incoming class was animated and surprised - the Committee members had to be assured that the spreadsheet wasn't some giant mistake - switching Fordham's recruits and the Hoyas' group, for example, as a belated April Fools' joke.  Thanks to a busy fax machine and the documentation on the 40 times, though, the Committee was indeed convinced.

OL = 4 (of 5).  "Four recruits.  One *** guy.  Another ** guy.  This is a slam-dunk meeting of the need," one Committee member said.

"Um," Art said.  "I don't think so.  I think it's close, but I think it should be only four points.  Why?  That Jumbo thing, for one, but I think one more lineman - preferably a Jumbo guy - would have made it perfect."

The Committee was resistant, but in the end, Art won the argument.  Four points it was.

DL = 3 (of 4).   Art wanted to give the Greybeards one point here.  "Though the 'jumbo' found its way here," he said, "there were no stars here, either.  I'm not sure this is such a slam-dunk group."

"Are you serious?" the businesswoman piped up.  "It has everything you profess to want in a class group - quality points, jumbo points.  Sure, a starred player would be nice.  To me, that's almost all the points."

Somewhere, a Committee member crunched on a taco.  "Mmmph," he mumbled through the intercom.

"Huh?" Art asked.

"Thrfff ptdffff", the businesswoman was able to make out.

QB = 3 (of 3).  "Two recruits, and one starred guy that gives you trigger points," one Committee member said in between bites of pizza.  "Three points."

COMMITTEE ADJUSTMENT:  At the end of the "needs" portion of the call and the "adjustment" portion of the call, it was clear that there wasn't going to be a negative adjustment.  After the shock of the sheer numbers from the spreadsheet wore off, it was clear - this was a phenomenal class.

The businesswoman agrees
Art and the businesswoman did look in the documents for something confirming a new aid policy in the District - perhaps some evidence of a 25,000 seat stadium to host a new MLS team and Hoya football.  ("It would be called "D.C. City," the businesswoman said of the MLS team.)

With nothing in there confirming either theory, the question had to be raised - should they get bonus points for apparently coming up with such a great class with their current aid policy?

"While we're thrilled that the Hoyas have such a great Patsy class," a Committee member said, slurping a shake, "we feel it would be a disservice to the Hoyas - and the Patsy Point system - to give them special points due to their aid policy."

"After all," she continued, "the point of the Patsy Point system is to rate the incoming classes on as level a playing field as possible.  Part of its beauty is it's ability to accommodate completely different schools and aid policies.  Its strength is it's consistency.

"This class doesn't need any help from us.  It stands well enough on its own."

COMMITTEE ADJUSTMENT: 0

GEORGETOWN - 82

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