I Love Being Called "Blissfully Pretentious"

As the Lehigh football offseason gets in full swing, it's time to get some dibs and dabs from "The Rivalry" that somehow got missed in the flood of football from "The Rivalry" to the FCS National Championship game.

But nothing is better than having your school called "Blissfully Pretentious" by a columnist for the Virginian-Pilot. Bob Molinaro is lamenting the fact that the Virginia/Virginia Tech game doesn't have a snappy nickname, and talks about - you guessed it - "The Rivalry":

This time of year, we're reminded of the catchy nicknames attached to college football rivalries.

Then there's Saturday's game between Virginia and Virginia Tech.

What it lacks, besides a decent rivalry, is a nifty nickname.

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Football in the state wasn't much to shout about for many years, going back to the days when people didn't have anything better to do but hang silly colloquial names on games. By the time somebody tried to come up with a nickname for the Tech-U.Va. series, all the good ones were taken.

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Then there's Lehigh and Lafayette, small football programs so blissfully pretentious that they call their game "The Rivalry." As if there's no other.

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The Commonwealth Cup, though, doesn't work at all. Isn't there something catchier we can come up with? If you've got suggestions, reach me by e-mail.

At this late date, thinking up a good nickname for the series is going to be difficult, especially in light of Tech's eight victories over U.Va. in the past nine years.

While Lehigh and Lafayette claim "The Rivalry," what's going on between the Hokies and Cavaliers is "The Redundancy."

At first, I took exception to it - but I've warmed to the reference in Mr. Molinaro's column. Oddly, I don't mind having our school being called "blissfully pretentious". Maybe that's what happens when you write about a team (and a Rivalry) for so long - you start to wear the jabs as badges of honor. For the first time in my life, I think I understand why people get tattoos.

Speaking of tattoos, the classic dog-bites-man story about "The Rivalry" is that there were dozens of citations for underage drinking during the game.

Harris said one of the biggest busts was shortly after 8 a.m. Saturday when his officers confiscated 47 cases of Natural Light beer from a 20-year-old carting it around campus in a station wagon.

Andrew Horgan, of Delmar, N.Y., was cited for transporting alcohol after he stopped to ask a security officer for directions at a checkpoint on High Street.

Reached on Monday, Horgan said he told the security officer his age, but didn't think he was breaking any laws. As Horgan understood it, underage people could transport alcohol if it is not open, he said.

"I'm originally from New York and I didn't realize the law was different in Pennsylvania," Horgan said.

That certainly IS a crime. Forty-seven cases... of Natural Light??? It's unclear whether Mr. Horgan was getting busted for transporting beer because he's underage, or simply that he doesn't have good taste in beer. I mean, Natural Light? I mean, couldn't he have sprung for Yuengling Black & Tan? Magic Hat? I'd even give the boy some slack for bringing Coors Light. But Natural Light?

He may as well been transporting Zima across state lines. Which may not be a crime, but it ought to be.

Fortunately, this story has a happy ending:

Harris said Horgan's beer is currently inside an evidence locker and will be disposed of at the end of the school year.